Yesterday I went to Kennywood with my children. It was a family reunion, really. All of my cousins, aunts, and uncles were there. It brought back all kinds of memories of my childhood and going to that park every year with my family. One memory in particular, stood out. When I was about six, my father took me on my very first "adult" roller coaster. As far as I can remember, he must have promised me that I'd get to ride one that day. Then the day came and went with no roller coaster. So, at around 10pm, as the park was closing, my dad kept his promise and took me on a roller coaster. It was a big deal because it wasn't just a roller coaster. It was the Laser Loop. Way back then, it was the first upside down roller coaster Kennywood had ever seen. My dad was taking me into the big leagues.
So yesterday I was at Kennywood with my kids. For most of the day, my son was with my mother and the other grandmothers, riding rides in Kiddie Land with his young cousins. But I promised myself I'd take him on his first "adult" coaster at some point during the day. He's six now. I thought it would be fitting. Of course the Laser Loop is long gone, so we rode the Racers. He acted brave, but I knew he was scared as soon as we hit the first hill. He looked up at me in shock and grabbed my arm. By the time the ride ended, though, he was hooked. He loved it.
The fact that he rode a roller coaster isn't so much a big deal. The fact that I got to ride with him isn't either. The thing that hit me as that moment came and went, is that I was around 6 or 7 when that moment in my life happened. My father would have been gone shortly after that moment, because he died when I was 7. What hit me in that realization, is that I'm running out of memories. I have given a lot of thought, over the past year, to all of the moments my father and I shared. The things he said to me. The things we did. There are so many things that I have done with my son as a way to honor, or perhaps mimic, my father. But my son is reaching the age I was when I lost my father. He will be seven in a month. There really aren't many more memories for me to recreate. I have no memories of me at age 8 or 9 and my father doing such and such. He wasn't there when I was 8 or 9. As was my fear when I wrote the book, I will soon be flying blind.
I used to believe that I wouldn't live long enough for any of this to matter. I used to believe that I was destined to die young like my father. I now know that not to be true. My destiny is what I make it. I intend to be here to help my son through his mid life crisis. But that thought brings me to the reality that troubles me. I'll have to go through mine alone. From here on out, I'm on my own for all of it.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
The truth, as I see it
One of my professors told us in class once about some philosopher who came up with this phrase: The map is not the territory. It means that your map (or blueprint, or understanding) of a thing or situation isn't actually the thing or situation itself. Its simply a representation of that thing or situation in your own head. As such, it is only as accurate as our understanding of that thing. The problem is, people's understanding of most things is surprisingly inaccurate.
Imagine having a map of a new city. You look at the map. You are lost. You go to the guy on the street and say, "Where am I?" He says, "The corner of Chestnut and Main." So, with that knowledge, you go to your map and you follow it to where you wanted to go. You go right where the map said go right. You go left where the map said go left. But then, when you arrive at what should have been Locust ave, you find yourself on LeMoyne. So you show someone on Lemoyne your map and you show them what you did. They ask you what was around you when you started. "Did you see the old theater? Did you see Shorty's Hot Dogs? No? Well there's your problem. Everything you did makes perfect sense, if you start at Chestnut and Main. The problem is, you weren't on the corner of Chestnut and Main. You were on Hallam ave."
Self help guys might call that a paradigm shift. In psychology and education, they might call it insight or cognitive restructuring. The sudden realization that your current knowledge is inaccurate or incomplete is a powerful and disturbing thing. But, its also the key to real understanding. Just because a thing appears to be true does not make it true. Your view of the truth is just that. We see the world through our lens and from our own particular viewpoint. The key to true understanding is knowing that our lens is never 100% accurate. That knowledge leads one to seek out other viewpoints from which to see any and every situation in an attempt to gain more of the picture. Its sort of like those 3D cameras they use in football. They attempt to capture the game from every possible angle so that they can render a 360 degree picture of any moment in time that might be in question. If people could, by some miracle, stop time and see their lives from the view point of the guy standing directly across from them, they would undoubtedly act differently in just about every situation.
I say all that to say this. When you see someone acting in a way that doesn't make sense to you, realize that it likely makes perfect sense to HIM. Understanding why it makes sense to him would give you far more insight than attempting to tell or show him what would make sense to you. More than likely, the TRUTH is somewhere in between. If you try hard enough, you might just find it.
Imagine having a map of a new city. You look at the map. You are lost. You go to the guy on the street and say, "Where am I?" He says, "The corner of Chestnut and Main." So, with that knowledge, you go to your map and you follow it to where you wanted to go. You go right where the map said go right. You go left where the map said go left. But then, when you arrive at what should have been Locust ave, you find yourself on LeMoyne. So you show someone on Lemoyne your map and you show them what you did. They ask you what was around you when you started. "Did you see the old theater? Did you see Shorty's Hot Dogs? No? Well there's your problem. Everything you did makes perfect sense, if you start at Chestnut and Main. The problem is, you weren't on the corner of Chestnut and Main. You were on Hallam ave."
Self help guys might call that a paradigm shift. In psychology and education, they might call it insight or cognitive restructuring. The sudden realization that your current knowledge is inaccurate or incomplete is a powerful and disturbing thing. But, its also the key to real understanding. Just because a thing appears to be true does not make it true. Your view of the truth is just that. We see the world through our lens and from our own particular viewpoint. The key to true understanding is knowing that our lens is never 100% accurate. That knowledge leads one to seek out other viewpoints from which to see any and every situation in an attempt to gain more of the picture. Its sort of like those 3D cameras they use in football. They attempt to capture the game from every possible angle so that they can render a 360 degree picture of any moment in time that might be in question. If people could, by some miracle, stop time and see their lives from the view point of the guy standing directly across from them, they would undoubtedly act differently in just about every situation.
I say all that to say this. When you see someone acting in a way that doesn't make sense to you, realize that it likely makes perfect sense to HIM. Understanding why it makes sense to him would give you far more insight than attempting to tell or show him what would make sense to you. More than likely, the TRUTH is somewhere in between. If you try hard enough, you might just find it.
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