I've Grown Accustomed to her Face

I've grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune
That she whistles night and noon.
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs
Are second nature to me now,
Like breathing out and breathing in.

I was serenely independent
And content before we met.
Surely I could always be that way again - and yet,
I've grown accustomed to her looks,
Accustomed to her voice,
Accustomed to her face.


I've always liked this song. I have a version of Nat King Cole singing it. It always makes me laugh a little, when I think about the sentiment. The idea that we fool ourselves into thinking we'd be just fine without them. That's totally me. I had been saying that for a while now. See, I met a girl. I should say, I fell for a girl. I fell hard and fast. But all the while, I said to myself that I could walk away if need be. Not that I'd ever want to. But if I needed to....

The thing is, I'm not all that good at trusting people. Never have been. I blame my childhood. I experienced way to many heartaches and deaths to ever believe that anyone could really be trusted all the way. It made relationships a bit of a challenge, to say the least. I remember a girl telling me once, just after we broke up, that one day I'd experience the ability to trust someone completely. To be able to be completely myself. To be totally and completely honest and know the other person is doing the same. In that moment, she said, I'd know what true love was. At the time I thought she was just a dumb ex-girlfriend. Now I know she couldn't have been more right.

So anyway, I fell for a girl. And for whatever reason, I decided to trust her. And God knows why, but she decided to trust me. And that was that. I've come to realize that everything I've ever called a relationship before this was just a prelude. I've come to realize that true love is like a conversation that goes something like this. "Here. Hold this. Its my heart. My hands are full holding yours, so I'm gonna need you to hold mine for me while we walk through this life thing." I'd never had that conversation before now.

Funny thing about that conversation is, if you're having it for the very first time, it can be scarier than you realize. At least that's the case for me. See, my girl has a job that keeps her pretty busy sometimes. In my attempt to be supportive and out of the way, we've had a few days of minimal contact. That's all well and good, I suppose. I tell myself I need the free time. I tell myself its no big deal. Until the day she DOESN'T make a fuss about how much she misses me. Then the scared little kid in me comes jumping out. Of course, there was nothing to worry about. She came to the rescue. Still, it was a scare I hardly expected.

I say all that to say this. I gave my heart to a girl. When I did it, I didn't realize how much of a risk I had taken. I'm sure glad she did.

I've grown accustomed to her face.
She almost makes the day begin.
I'm very grateful she's a woman,
And so easy to forget, rather like a habit
One can always break - and yet,
I've grown accustomed to her looks,
Accustomed to her voice,
Accustomed to her face.